Some people hang curtains in strategic places:
|Face changed to protect the innocent.|
The following is a conversation I had with one such relative who shall remain faceless:
ME: This is dedicated to my poor cousin "ETHYL."* She is trapped and suffering in Florida's frigid 50 degree weather. She had to wear REAL SHOES today, shoes that neither flipped nor flopped. I don't know how she did it. She is so brave. Please, join me in celebrating her courage and willingness to KEEP FIGHTING despite these dreadful circumstances. #polarvortex
|Face changed to protect the guilty.|
ME: No, Ethyl, YOU are the best. Your bravery inspires me. Sniff. I had to walk over a large snow drift to get to my mailbox today. Seems that the snow plow people thought that putting all the snow from the entire subdivision in front of my mailbox was the best idea ever. I don't know how I would have gained the courage to collect my circulars and water bill from the mailbox if it wasn't for your example.
ETHYL: Well, I had to wait like 2 WHOLE MINUTES for my car to warm up this morning. It was really hard.
ME: That's the kind of thing that keeps me warm as I use a bucket to scoop giant piles of snow off of my car.
ETHYL: I am here to inspire others.
MATILDA: Real shoes?! Whatever shall she do?!
ME: She soldiers on, Mat. She soldiers on.
ETHYL: Thank you it is SO HARD.
FONZIE: THEY NEITHER FLIP NOR FLOP!
Editor's note: Fonzie is the spouse of the very bundled friend pictured previously.
ME: I know, Fonzie. Doesn't her suffering put your burned out furnace and frozen sump pump lines in perspective?
*Names changed to protect the posters' privacy. And/or make me laugh.
Wherever you are my friends, stay warm.