Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Creepy Stalker Squirrel

At least once a week (and sometimes as often as three times a week), The Hubs picks me up for lunch, and we drive to a local park and eat lunch.  He usually listens to a podcast of Tony Kornheiser's radio show while I nom my lunch and read an e-book on my phone.  On Monday, I was innocently sitting in the passenger seat, munching on lunch and reading my book, when he suddenly exclaims,

"You need to step off!  Go on, get out of here!  You just need to walk away!!" 

I looked up at him, slightly offended and thoroughly confused, since the content of the podcast shouldn't have elicited that response.

"What did I do?!"
"Not you.  The squirrel."
"What are you talking about, what squirrel?"
"The giant squirrel sitting in front of the car, contemplating my death."

Can you see it?
"I don't see it."
"ITS RIGHT THERE.  Staring... with its beady eyes.... of death."
Oh, THAT squirrel.

"Dang.  That is a fat squirrel."
"Its been staring at me for like five minutes."

I look at him with more than a little skepticism.

....five more minutes pass....

"Honey."  (I say.)
"Its still staring."
"That is the creepiest squirrel ever."

...two minutes later...

"I'm going to take a picture." (I declare.)
"Go ahead."
"It will probably move before I take it, and no one will ever believe us."
"No it won't.  Its still waiting to steal our souls."

I take the picture, and the squirrel POSES.  I swear, it watched me the whole time, and when I took one picture, it would turn slightly.  The squirrel was vogue-ing. 

Suddenly, the squirrel disappeared.  We, of course, were terrified that it was finally making its move when we saw it, our hero:

Scary skinny squirrel hero

Scary skinny squirrel chased fat squirrel all the way across the parking lot, and then came back.

Skinny squirrel hunts for noms

Where it sat, staring and stalking our car until we left.

Squirrels are so creepy.


  1. haha! That is hilarious! Clearly the skinny squirrel was hungry thanks to fat squirrel...

  2. All I know is, fat squirrel was scared of skinny squirrel, but not us!

  3. ROFL Forget the Women Conspiracy (which my now-ex-husband also believes in, btw), it's the squirrels you have to watch out for.