Friday, September 09, 2011

Object Permanence

I was recently reading an issue of Parade Magazine© I am so cool, and came across an article about Cats vs. Dogs. The general discussion about which of the two was more intelligent spilled over into my living room, as the hubs and I discussed our different experiences with the two species. (The article, by the way, had dogs edging out cats for relative intelligence levels, with the caveat that cats have the same level of intelligence across each breed, whereas the intelligence level of dogs can vary depending on the type.)

Among the traits in which dogs excelled over cats was object permanence, and all of the sudden, I understood so much about why Minion is absolutely insane.

When he wanders around the house at night, yowling in misery at the unfairness of a life where his every need is catered to, he thinks we don't exist anymore. When I walk out of the room, our cat thinks we have ABANDONED HIM. FOREVER. AND NOW HE IS DOOMED TO WALK THE EARTH LIKE CAIN. ALONE. AND UNLOVED. IN THE RAIN.

This also explains why he thinks, if he hides under the bench after doing some horrendously disgusting and/or bad thing, we won't be able to find him. If he can't see us, we can't see him! He hides in the same place every time. And he seems shocked, shocked, that we thought to look there.

Minion, I have news for you: The spray bottle sees all. The spray bottle knows all.

Editor's Note:

To be fair, Daisy always hides in the same place, too. However, the times where I chase her through the house, in a homicidal rage, wielding the water bottle like an UZI and screaming "DIE DIE DIE, you foul creature whose soul will be damned for all eternity if you do not repent of your evil ways and I will begin your torment right now!" are far fewer, so the issue rarely comes up.

Diego, on the other hand, is the ghost cat. When he wants to disappear, no one can find him. One day last year, one of the cats (i.e. Minion) busted through the screen door while the hubs was napping, and he awoke to find all of the cats gone. Daisy was sitting on the porch, as she is not terribly fond of OUTSIDE. Minion - being served justly by karma - was captured by neighborhood children who only wanted to show him love. BWAHAHA. The hubs searched high and low for Diego. He had friends, neighbors, and local children searching the neighborhood for him. He tore the whole house apart, looked in every room, looked in and under every piece of furniture. And in the end, he sat in a chair on the back porch, staring at an open can of tuna, and forlornly hoping for his beloved kitty to come home (I'm not mocking here, he really loves that cat.) I was very sad for him, and didn't know what to do. So, I sat on the couch, and was probably watching TV or reading, when across the living room strolls Diego. I started laughing, and said, "Uhm, Hunny? Diego is walking through the living room." The hubs silently stood up, calmly put away the chair, very precisely came in, closed and locked the screen door, sat down, and didn't speak a word for an hour. He did get this really crazed look in his eye, and I thought it behooved me not to mock and/or tease him. He was like a black hole for light, and sound, and happiness. His was the righteous anger born of love and fear - the kind of anger you cannot even direct at the one who caused it.

However, I may have spent the whole hour choking back giggles.

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