Thursday, March 31, 2005

Something is wrong with the blogger dashboard...

And now that we got THAT out of the way...

I am not good at confronting people. And regarding the person in question, it is usually fruitless anyway, so I do what I always do, and get over it. Once I manage to escape from my little well of depression, that is. Which I am doing, slowly. I think forgivness is giving up my right to be angry, and I want this. I don't want to be eaten away with bitterness. That said...

*hugs C. AND Santiago (whether he likes being loved or not *nods*)* You guys are wonderful friends, and I love you.

Okay, I have a big ugly test looming on the morrow. In theology, my hated class of the semester.


Also, I've randomly been talking in "Phaze" language, which is all "thee" and "dost" and "thou"... I love Piers Anthony, he makes this world a better place. 'Cept I don't know why he had to make the brown adept a lesbian in the last book... *bitters*

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

There We Go

So, I cooked a LOT of food this weekend... list? Okay!

Apple pie, Cherry pie, pumpkin pie, orange-honey glazed ham, baked macaroni and cheese, green bean cassarole, real mashed potatos, gravy, dirt dessert... Is that all? I think so... *hmms* There were nine of us at T.'s house, and we also did communion together, which was cool. A.W. was driving me crazy, he always has to one-up everyone else. Crazy. Then that night I got really sick... and I'm still sick. I mean, I have felt really bad, off and on, for the last few weeks, but that night was the beginning of a really bad run... So yes...

Looks like T. and E. are getting an apartment together... *grumbles* Why do I feel this way? I can't wait to find out where N. is going to be stationed... he may not go to boot camp till after my graduation, so that he can make sure that he will be there for it.

I came over to T.'s apartment to get my roomate's cd from J. (her fiance is visiting) and to help him decide what to do with her his last day here, only he doesn't really want my help and is only playing video games. Sigh. So I can't do anything today, and it is gorgeous outside, and its supposed to get cold again tomorrow. Le sigh...

BUT I did have some good things:

Passed my CLEP test for world civ 2, got an A in Washington Studies, a B on my last history test, and A's on the three papers I turned in last week... wOOt..

Friday, March 25, 2005

le sigh

I have had the most weird weekend ever, to the point where.. well, I don't even know where to begin to talk about it. I had a nightmare that N. died in the air force, and that was horrible. So I called him and he laughed at me... *sniffs* But its okay... I need to get my head on straight, I'm getting stuck inside, if that makes sense.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005


Do you know how very much I hate myself? I usually restrain myself from talking about it, now, because I know people don't want to hear about me and my psycho problems... so stop reading now if you don't.

Still reading? Well, I gave you a chance...

It seems like all I do these days its make other people mad, hurt other people...

I know I need to take responsibility for my actions, but its so hard... I feel so hurt, so upset, and I know that I have absolutely no right to feel that way, but I do. I can't change it, no matter how hard I try. I should never confront people, I have no right. Even if someone did the most hurtful, horrid thing in the world, I have no right to be upset. How much worse am I? This is so ridiculous. The worst thing, even if I apologize, I will still be upset. Still think I am right. I make myself sick... Its been a long time since I hated myself this much. And I don't want pity... I would rather you hated me too.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Silent Hostility

S. says that she admires me because I am not afraid to confront my roomate... she wishes that she could get up the guts to do so with hers. But then, of course, she would have to deal with silent hostility.

I was upset, I admit it. But E. gave me a message from her, and said that she was really upset... she had no right or reason to be upset. Then I was annoyed, but instead of letting it simmer and confronting her hours later, I called her right away. She was mad that I thought she was mad at me, and was therefore mad at her. Confusing enough? But it gets better. After informing me (angrily) that I had no right to be upset, she said that she was now upset, and that there was no point in me even calling her in the first place. I attempted to (calmly) explain that I was sorry that there had been a misunderstanding, but wasn't it better that I talk to her about it right away and find out that she wasn't upset then to get really mad, and then go off on her later? But no. She has spoken to me at all today, which wouldn't be so bad if she weren't going out of her way to make sure that I knew she was ignoring me. Yeesh.

'Kay, thats my random thought of the day! *smooches*

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Yesterday was my birthday...

Yes, thats right folks, I am officially 22 years old now. And I had a very good birthday!

I got up, went to the social science chapel. Then I did something not-so-smart. I told Ashley that it was my birthday. She got a really evil look on her face and said "Oh... really? I'm going to tell Dr. Jenkins!" Dr. Celeste Jenkins was leading the social science department chapel, and she doesn't like to lead people in singing, but to get chapel credit, you have to have singing. So then Dr. Jenkins got a really evil look on her face and said "OH Professor Garrett, today is {insert pseudonym here]'s birthday!" Now, if you know Professor Garrett, you can guess what happened next. The words were hardly out of her mouth with Professor Garrett busts out a rousing rendition of the Happy Birthday song, and EVERYONE ELSE joins in. Dr. Hall, Dr. Sanders, Professor Murphy, Mrs. Sardo (the secretery), and about 15, 20 students. I was mildly amused while being at the same time mortified. Funny? Yes. Scarring? Also yes.

After chapel, Jennifer and I went to the gym and worked out for an hour. Most of the weights and machines I was familiar with, no problem, I knew I would be sore but it wasn't unexpected. But then I got this idea to try out a machine I've never used before, which also means I was working some muscle groups I haven't worked before. OW. The muscles in my upper arms and where my arm and shoulder meet are SO SORE. I've been drinking water and doing the ibuprofen thing, but I should have taken it a little easier.

After that I went to the computer lab and typed out my two papers... took about an hour. Then I went to class and turned said papers in. I went to Spanish, taught everyone a vile word (I didn't realize how vile it was until my Professor gave me a horrified look... but we were talking about "La Malinche" and of COURSE I had to insert my random knowledge that her name has been turned into an epithet.) Then I got lunch ("Cashew Chicken") and called some people and talked online. Talked to Amanda after she came and bugged me in the computer lab *grins* and then I got all gussied up and went to Tara's house. We decided to go, first to Target so I could spend some of my hard-earned birthday money, and then to Olive Garden... she wanted to buy me dinner.

I bought a really cute blue-green mesh cami at Target... I need to get some flip-flops and fake turquoise jewelry to cuten it up. Maybe a purse.

Then we went to Olive Garden, and that was lovely.

Then Wal-Mart, then picked up Shannon, went back to school and got over-night stuff, and went BACK to Tara's to spend the night.

My parents sent me roses today.

I got to talk to my mom, sister Rebekah, Caly (well, she left a voice mail), and Nathan on the phone, all to wish me happy birthday... it was so wonderful, and everyone was so nice. I wanted to cry, I was so happy and grateful. My grandfather and Mary Vincent sent me the sweetest birthday card... I always love the birthday cards they send me. Oh! My mom and some random number of my siblings sang happy birthday to me using the speakerphone, and left it on my voicemail. I laughed for like five minutes. Andy and Erika want to do something some night this week, since they both had to work yesterday. Its been wonderful.

Oh, and even though he didn't mean it to be a birthday card, William sent me a postcard all the way from Puerto Rico. A nice surprise!

Saturday, March 12, 2005


I'm depressed. I saw a picture of myself two years ago, and I was pretty. Why couldn't it have lasted longer? *sniffs* I miss that.

My Knee

I have a spider bite on my knee. Its big and it hurts. Thats so annoying...

I've been not feeling well the last few days, which is a crappy way to spend spring break.

It could be worse though: Erika bought me some Pizza Rolls, which rocks my world!

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

I should post more...

But I'm just never around! I think that... oh, I don't know.

My birthday is on Monday, but I don't think that anyone will remember, at least, not to the point that I will actually do anything out of the ordinary. Everyone is always so busy, though, so I can't really blame them! My mom will remember, I think, since she always does.

I'm so tired, and I've been so tired for so long.

I went to Nathan's house this weekend... hehehehehe. *mischievous grin*

Okay, I'm going to go back and finish the movie I was watching with Charlotte...

Thursday, March 03, 2005

I smell like paint thinner... I hate painting my floor. No one helps, and I probably wouldn't either if I weren't the floor president. And paint thinner doesn't even make me high, it just gives me a headache.

I talked to Nathan on the phone a few minutes ago, I woke him up when I called, and I sent him back to bed, too. Hes so adorable when he is sleepy, he can't talk at all. It makes me sad, because I miss him more...

I said something really corny last night... I told him that I loved to talk to him when I was sleepy, because then I am closer to my dreams, where I can see him. Isn't that the CHEESIEST line you have ever heard? *grins* At least I don't kiss my phone! (like a certain roomate of mine. you know those gross kissing noises they put in movies, where you can hear peoples spit and its just like...ew? thats what she does to her phone when she is talking to her boyfriend. for future purposes, my roomate is going to be referred to as "Britney" and her boyfriend "Alvin." they both have chipmunk cheeks, and Britney laughs like a chipmunk.)

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Know Your State Motto

Although I still haven't taught my grandparents the rule I learned at twelve (Don't forward everything you get, I have probably already seen it and didn't think it was funny/sentimental/scary), they do occasionally still send me things that make me laugh (for proof that I do read them, in spite of the rule ;-)) Actually, at least they e-mail me...o.O Most e-mail I get is from either my grandparents or someone I used to babysit... *laughs* ANYWAY...

Yes, We Have Electricity.

11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!

But It's A Dry Heat.

Literacy Ain't Everything.

By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda.

If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother.

Like Massachusetts,
Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet.

We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water.

Ask Us About Our Grandkids, and Home Of The Early Bird Special
We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism.

Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
(Death To Mainland Scum,Leave Your Money)

More Than Just Potatoes...
Well, Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Please, Don't Pronounce the "S"

2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

We Do Amazing Things With Corn

First Of The Rectangle States

Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos,
But That's Our Tourism Campaign.

We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's

First Line Of Defense >From The Canadians

10,000 Lakes...And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

Come And Feel Better About Your Own State

Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies,and Very Little Else.

Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Hookers and Poker!

New Hampshire
Go Away And Leave Us Alone

New Jersey
You Want A ##$%##! Motto?
I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto
Right here!

New Mexico
Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York
You Have The Right To Remain Silent,
You Have The Right To An Attorney...

North Carolina
Tobacco Is A Vegetable

North Dakota
We Really Are One Of The 50 States!

At Least We're Not Michigan

Like The Play, But No Singing

Spotted Owl...It's What's For Dinner

Cook With Coal

Rhode Island
We're Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina
Remember The Civil War?
Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender Yet

South Dakota
Closer Than North Dakota

The Edyoocashun State

Se Hablo Ingles

Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Ay, Yep

Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

We have more rain than you do

West Virginia
One Big Happy Family...Really!

Come Cut The Cheese!

Where Men Are Men... And The Sheep Are Scared