Wednesday, February 23, 2005

So...

I know, I know, its been awhile since I posted... I actually wrote some stuff to put on here, and eventually I will get around to posting it.

I wish I had some philosophical thoughts, or at least something to inspire you, but I don't.

My wonderful and beautiful friend Heather Higgins just lost her father... she and I were supposed to be roomates, and then we didn't get to be, but I still love her very much.

I also found out, for sure, that someone who used to be a good friend has "come out of the closet" as it were. First time its been a girl... and I have to say, if I keep hearing it, I might go mad. The first time, it broke my heart, the second time, I cried a lot... this time, I just feel very depressed. I don't think I will ever get over Ben, ever. Not like "in love" over, it wasn't ever like that, just feeling like a failure as a friend... that he has never, ever actually told me. I think he knows that I know...

I feel forgotten right now. I know that that is selfish and very self-centered, and I really don't want to be the center of anyone's universe... well, mostly... but I don't know why I feel particularly unloved right now. Guess I just feel very... forgettable. People are like "Oh, hey!" when they see me, or when I talk to them, but as the old saying goes "out of sight (or hearing) out of mind." I don't feel missed or... anything. Just alone.

I was walking around my room praying, and I know that feeling this way is wrong, because God is there no matter what, and He should be the only thing I care about... I'm trying. I am trying to be hurt anymore, but to be open only to other people's problems, and not being selfish and taking anything from anyone but Him. Its not good to rely on other people to be happy... I should be able to give all of myself to others, but need only God. I want to be like that, and I am praying that He will give me the strength and the wisdom to do it.

2 comments:

  1. Dorothy

    I've never forgotten about you. I think about you a lot. A lot a lot. I mean, I always thinka bout how you are doing and stuff, and I know I actually forget to call.. or the time just isn't right. Like tonight, it was midnight when I actually was able to call, and I didn't want to call cause I didn't want to wake you and everything. You had class the next day. *huggles* I guess I'm just a worrywart and everything about that type of stuff. *sighs* I love you Dorothy, and I won't forget about you, so please don't feel that way.

    Me.

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  2. Dorothy, you're such a special person and you're very dear to my heart, never forget that. I can relate to the whole "friend coming out of the closet" deal, that happened to me in high school...it's very depressing and confusing, but it's in God's hands now. I think it's kind of funny that I'm commenting on your blog as i'm sitting next to you in the Joust. Hehe.

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