Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Woosta

Today, I worked at my new temp job (9 hours), beat Warcraft III, and finished an essay! A day of completing goals...now only two left.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Cold...and mysteries

cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold

...

sometimes, blogs are meant to be mysterious and un-understandable (derstandable? yay, new word!)

this is one of those times.

Monday, November 07, 2005

apology

To all of those who ever felt like you were owed an apology by me, I'm sorry...

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Friday, November 04, 2005

llama!



adopt your own virtual pet!

arty emo?

I wish I were this person!

Arty Kid

Whether you were a drama freak or an emo poet, you definitely were expressive and unique.

You're probably a little less weird these days - but even more talented!

Monday, October 31, 2005

Move Along

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone stands
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)

When everything is wrong we move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
When everything is wrong, we move along
Along, along, along

When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
[x3]

(Move along)
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
Right back what is wrong
We move along

~AAR

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Its been slightly over two years since I have started this blog, although I have abandoned it somewhat for livejournal of late. Not because I don't still want to blog here, but because my readership was rapidly shrinking. I'm pretty sure I went a couple of months there with no one checking it at all. (The average time people spent looking at my blog was about 30 seconds) Anyway, now that I've realized that there are at least four people who regularly check this, I'm going to try and post again.

But not right now. Right now, I'm too annoyed with things to post. I want to be a happy poster!

Happy!

Monday, October 24, 2005

LSAT

I didn't tell anyone, but I knew from the moment I walked out of the room that I did really badly.

All I needed was a 153 (its scored between 120 and 180) to get into a decent law school.

That might not SOUND hard, but there were four logic sections (only three graded), one reading comprehension (like, imagine the SAT, then multiply difficulty by like... 10), and one ungraded essay response.

Turns out, my score was in the top 15%.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

*hiccups*

I realized something today... I think the reason I spend so much time worrying about other people is because I'm terrified of worrying about my own.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Trip

Well, I didn' t almost die in the ocean on my most recent trip to Maryland... Actually, I had a lot of fun, particularly playing with my youngest cousins, Analisa and Evangeline. (Asa and Dadandaden) They are 3 and 2 (but Evangeline says that she is three... and everyone else is three, too) Evangeline chased the Seagulls, he short little self running up and down the beach crying "birdie, birdie!", and her arms up in the air. And picking up EVERYTHING on the beach. "Clam! I yike clams... you yike clams... here, hold it." "Rock! I yike rocks... you yike rocks... here, hold it." And Analisa kept going to the water, deciding she didn't like it, and running back up to the chairs, but saw us playing at the edge of the water, came back, rinse, and repeat. 'Twas rather amusing...

My muscles are so sore... one day we went out on the Chesapeke Bay, on a boat, and went "tubing", which is like water skiing, only you are hanging for dear life off the back of a tube.

The next day was the beach.

The next day (yesterday) we went to Antietam... down to Burnside Bridge and back is a hike up a steep hill, in the heat. But it was fun.

The whole time, I've had some icky summer cold thats left me sniffly with headaches and a sore throat and cough.

I need a camera to document these lovely times...

Adios, amigos!

Monday, August 01, 2005

Little Brother

So, my little brother Josiah made a webpage. And since I am a nice, wonderful big sister, I put the link right here on my blog? And do you know what the ungrateful child did? He poked me in the lip! The noive!

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Sunday Sunday...

So, its 9:21 Sunday morning, and I should be joyfully getting ready to go to church, and I am not. Instead, I am just... annoyed... with my family. Sometimes, I think I just want to be left alone, but its like... they see your weakness and sieze on it! Like a pack of hyenas. Oi.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Eep!

I know, I'm a loser, I haven't posted in over a month. But I've been busy! My new job is somewhat time consuming, and when I get home, I don't feel like being in front of a computer anymore.

Or, like last night, my sister gets on while I'm getting some salsa out of the fridge and shuts down all of my programs. Brat.

*sighs* I should be nice, I know I should. Grr...

ANYWAY

I feel guilty everytime I check my mail and see the message that tells me how many people have visited my site this week, and I realize that they all wasted their time. Well, lovelies, you are still wasting it, but I thank you! *muah*

Monday, May 30, 2005

Memorial Day

I do not have the words or the power to add anything to this poem, but instead, like the humble person who introduces a great speaker, I would like to make a little introduction.

First of all, today is a day of memory, and by remembering, it is a day to offer gratitude. So many men and women have given their lives in the two hundred twenty nine years that this country has existed: men and women who became freedom's greatest sacrifice. If you haven't done so already, or even if you have, please, take a moment to comtemplate their sacrifice.

This poem was written at the beginning of World War II by a veteran of the first World War. I'm going to stop talking now, and let it speak for itself.

To a Conscript of 1940
Sir Herbert Read

A soldier passed me in the freshly fallen snow,
His footsteps muffled, his face unearthly grey:
And my heart gave a sudden leap
As I gazed on a ghost of five-and-twenty years ago.

I shouted Halt! and my voice had the old accustom'd ring
And he obeyed it as it was obeyed
In the shrouded days when I too was one

Into the unknown. He turned towards me and I said:
`I am one of those who went before you
Five-and-twenty years ago: one of the many who never returned,
Of the many who returned and yet were dead.

We went where you are going, into the rain and the mud:
We fought as you will fight
With death and darkness and despair;
We gave what you will give-our brains and our blood.

We think we gave in vain. The world was not renewed.
There was hope in the homestead and anger in the streets,
But the old world was restored and we returned
To the dreary field and workshop, and the immemorial feud

Of rich and poor. Our victory was our defeat.
Power was retained where power had been misused
And youth was left to sweep away
The ashes that the fires had strewn beneath our feet.

But one thing we learned: there is no glory in the dead
Until the soldier wears a badge of tarnish'd braid;
There are heroes who have heard the rally and have seen
The glitter of garland round their head.

Theirs is the hollow victory. They are deceived.
But you my brother and my ghost, if you can go
Knowing that there is no reward, no certain use
In all your sacrifice, then honour is reprieved.

To fight without hope is to fight with grace,
The self reconstructed, the false heart repaired.'
Then I turned with a smile, and he answered my salute
As he stood against the fretted hedge, which was like
white lace.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Graduate

Pictures are forthcoming... but as of Friday, I am the official bearer of a Bachelor of Arts degree in History. Soo... rejoicement is in order! And having two college degrees doesn't feel much different than having one... or none...

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Yay!

So, it would seem that the average time people spend reading my blog has gone up, from 45 seconds to 2.5 minutes! Yay! You love me, you really love me!

Nathan is going to be here tonight... I've been busy cleaning Tara's apartment. I did all the dishes,l vacummed the floor in the dining room, kithcen and hall way, washed the windows and blinds, and cleaned all the walls in the hallway with a cleach solution. I also vacuumed Tara's air filter, and cleaned the face of the place that sucks the air in (don't know what its called). Now I have to start on the living room and bathroom.. *grumbles* Those two are gonna take awhile... and why am I doing this? So that Nathan will get to see Tara's apartment clean, and so that when she moves out, she will get her deposit back. Already, this place is cleaner than when Tara moved in.

All right, gotta go! *smooches*

Monday, April 18, 2005

Spanish makes it easier to be mad...

No me miente! Lo odio! Como puedes sentarse aqui, y me mientes? No te entiendo! Muchos tiempos en el pasado, yo habĂ­a te preguntado a no me mentir, nunca... pero... hoy... PORQUE???????

Friday, April 15, 2005

hmm

So, the average time that someone spends looking at my page is 45 seconds. That isn't even a minute! I mean, I get between 50 and 100 visits a week, but the average is 45 seconds. That means, for all the people (five) who spend time reading what I write, there are more people who only spend like, five seconds. Wow.

I should write something more interesting. But what? WHAT can I write that is more interesting than about ME? What could be more interesting than me? *sobs*

*blinks*

*gets ahold of herself*

*gives Destiny a copper coin*

Alright then. *takes a deep breath*

I'm good now, I swear. I thought I was going to get all my assignments caught up today, but the internet is being goofy... some pages won't load at all, others take like an hour to load. This, for some reason, is working now, but it wasn't earlier.

I miss Nathan!

The Chronicals of Dew: Me and Yu-Gi-Oh?

The Chronicals of Dew: Me and Yu-Gi-Oh?

This is Dewey just asking for me to kick his butt. Not ONLY did he spell my name wrong, he threatened to KEEP MY BOYFRIEND. Thats okay, Tara and I will make his life miserable if he persists in this foolish action. *nods*

Missing you...

I miss Nathan so much... its been four days now. Everytime I think of him I want to cry, and even though I know its silly, it is also true. You might think to yourself, "She never sees him, why miss him so much now?" Well, first of all, normally I know he is there, if I need him I can call him. Secondly, I talk to him every night, his voice is the last thing I hear before I fall asleep. Everyday, I talk to him online. I love to tell him that I love him, and how glad I am that he is a part of my life... I think I almost need to tell him, just to make sure that he knows. I don't know why I always get these morbid feelings of "you never know when it will be the last time." I just miss him, thats all.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

agkdljfaoidfjawen

It has been three days since I've talked to Nathan. Three...days... *sighs* I miss him so much. He went back to Tarkio for the week, and I'm really glad, because he needed a break from Nebraska. Nathan's recruiter screwed up... again... and so now he has to wait some more, and re-fill out a bunch of paperwork. Its good that he can break from the normal routine, and see real actual people who are his friends, and get that game out of his system *snorts* (yeah right)... but I am selfish, and I miss his voice being the last thing I hear before I fall asleep.

I got a 90 on my test in Theology, and a 27/30 on my Spanish test... I also passed my writing proficiency test, and turned in my research paper for Ancient World... so now all I have to do is finish my independant study.

I'm so sleepy, and I miss my boyfriend. *sniffs*

I had an awesome conversation with my daddy last night, so that was a happy thing, anyway.

Friday, April 01, 2005

Top Ten April Fools Hoaxes

My favorite was when I lived in Virginia, and the reclaimed-landfill-turned-state-park, affectionatly known as "Mount Trashmore" was reported on all major TV and radio stations as about to erupt. It was so funny.

1: The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest
In 1957 the respected BBC news show Panorama announced that thanks to a very mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. It accompanied this announcement with footage of Swiss peasants pulling strands of spaghetti down from trees. Huge numbers of viewers were taken in, and many called up wanting to know how they could grow their own spaghetti trees. To this question, the BBC diplomatically replied that they should "place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best." Check out the actual broadcast archived on the BBC's website (You need the RealVideo player installed to see it, and it usually loads very slowly). -More-

#2: Sidd Finch
In its April 1985 edition, Sports Illustrated published a story about a new rookie pitcher who planned to play for the Mets. His name was Sidd Finch and he could reportedly throw a baseball with startling, pinpoint accuracy at 168 mph (65 mph faster than anyone else has ever been able to throw a ball). Surprisingly, Sidd Finch had never even played the game before. Instead, he had mastered the "art of the pitch" in a Tibetan monastery under the guidance of the "great poet-saint Lama Milaraspa." Mets fans everywhere celebrated at their teams's amazing luck at having found such a gifted player, and Sports Illustrated was flooded with requests for more information. But in reality this legendary player only existed in the imagination of the writer of the article, George Plimpton. -More-

#3: Instant Color TV
In 1962 there was only one tv channel in Sweden, and it broadcast in black and white. The station's technical expert, Kjell Stensson, appeared on the news to announce that thanks to a newly developed technology, all viewers could now quickly and easily convert their existing sets to display color reception. All they had to do was pull a nylon stocking over their tv screen, and they would begin to see their favorite shows in color. Stensson then proceeded to demonstrate the process. Reportedly, hundreds of thousands of people, out of the population of seven million, were taken in. Actual color tv transmission only commenced in Sweden on April 1, 1970.

#4: The Taco Liberty Bell
In 1996 the Taco Bell Corporation announced that it had bought the Liberty Bell from the federal government and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell. Hundreds of outraged citizens called up the National Historic Park in Philadelphia where the bell is housed to express their anger. Their nerves were only calmed when Taco Bell revealed that it was all a practical joke a few hours later. The best line inspired by the affair came when White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale, and he responded that the Lincoln Memorial had also been sold, though to a different corporation, and would now be known as the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial. -More-

#5: San Serriffe
In 1977 the British newspaper The Guardian published a special seven-page supplement in honor of the tenth anniversary of San Serriffe, a small republic located in the Indian Ocean consisting of several semi-colon-shaped islands. A series of articles affectionately described the geography and culture of this obscure nation. Its two main islands were named Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse. Its capital was Bodoni, and its leader was General Pica. The Guardian's phones rang all day as readers sought more information about the idyllic holiday spot. Few noticed that everything about the island was named after printer's terminology. The success of this hoax is widely credited with launching the enthusiasm for April Foolery that then gripped the British tabloids in the following decades. -More-

#6: Nixon for President
In 1992 National Public Radio's Talk of the Nation program announced that Richard Nixon, in a surprise move, was running for President again. His new campaign slogan was, "I didn't do anything wrong, and I won't do it again." Accompanying this announcement were audio clips of Nixon delivering his candidacy speech. Listeners responded viscerally to the announcement, flooding the show with calls expressing shock and outrage. Only during the second half of the show did the host John Hockenberry reveal that the announcement was a practical joke. Nixon's voice was impersonated by comedian Rich Little.

#7: Alabama Changes the Value of Pi
The April 1998 issue of the New Mexicans for Science and Reason newsletter contained an article claiming that the Alabama state legislature had voted to change the value of the mathematical constant pi from 3.14159 to the 'Biblical value' of 3.0. Before long the article had made its way onto the internet, and then it rapidly made its way around the world, forwarded by people in their email. It only became apparent how far the article had spread when the Alabama legislature began receiving hundreds of calls from people protesting the legislation. The original article, which was intended as a parody of legislative attempts to circumscribe the teaching of evolution, was written by a physicist named Mark Boslough.

#8: The Left-Handed Whopper
In 1998 Burger King published a full page advertisement in USA Today announcing the introduction of a new item to their menu: a "Left-Handed Whopper" specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new whopper included the same ingredients as the original Whopper (lettuce, tomato, hamburger patty, etc.), but all the condiments were rotated 180 degrees for the benefit of their left-handed customers. The following day Burger King issued a follow-up release revealing that although the Left-Handed Whopper was a hoax, thousands of customers had gone into restaurants to request the new sandwich. Simultaneously, according to the press release, "many others requested their own 'right handed' version."

#9: Hotheaded Naked Ice Borers
In its April 1995 issue Discover Magazine announced that the highly respected wildlife biologist Dr. Aprile Pazzo had discovered a new species in Antarctica: the hotheaded naked ice borer. These fascinating creatures had bony plates on their heads that, fed by numerous blood vessels, could become burning hot, allowing the animals to bore through ice at high speeds. They used this ability to hunt penguins, melting the ice beneath the penguins and causing them to sink downwards into the resulting slush where the hotheads consumed them. After much research, Dr. Pazzo theorized that the hotheads might have been responsible for the mysterious disappearance of noted Antarctic explorer Philippe Poisson in 1837. "To the ice borers, he would have looked like a penguin," the article quoted her as saying. Discover received more mail in response to this article than they had received for any other article in their history. -More-

#10: Planetary Alignment Decreases Gravity
In 1976 the British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on BBC Radio 2 that at 9:47 AM a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event was going to occur that listeners could experience in their very own homes. The planet Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, temporarily causing a gravitational alignment that would counteract and lessen the Earth's own gravity. Moore told his listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment that this planetary alignment occurred, they would experience a strange floating sensation. When 9:47 AM arrived, BBC2 began to receive hundreds of phone calls from listeners claiming to have felt the sensation. One woman even reported that she and her eleven friends had risen from their chairs and floated around the room.

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Something is wrong with the blogger dashboard...

And now that we got THAT out of the way...

I am not good at confronting people. And regarding the person in question, it is usually fruitless anyway, so I do what I always do, and get over it. Once I manage to escape from my little well of depression, that is. Which I am doing, slowly. I think forgivness is giving up my right to be angry, and I want this. I don't want to be eaten away with bitterness. That said...

*hugs C. AND Santiago (whether he likes being loved or not *nods*)* You guys are wonderful friends, and I love you.

Okay, I have a big ugly test looming on the morrow. In theology, my hated class of the semester.

Um...

Also, I've randomly been talking in "Phaze" language, which is all "thee" and "dost" and "thou"... I love Piers Anthony, he makes this world a better place. 'Cept I don't know why he had to make the brown adept a lesbian in the last book... *bitters*

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

There We Go

So, I cooked a LOT of food this weekend... list? Okay!

Apple pie, Cherry pie, pumpkin pie, orange-honey glazed ham, baked macaroni and cheese, green bean cassarole, real mashed potatos, gravy, dirt dessert... Is that all? I think so... *hmms* There were nine of us at T.'s house, and we also did communion together, which was cool. A.W. was driving me crazy, he always has to one-up everyone else. Crazy. Then that night I got really sick... and I'm still sick. I mean, I have felt really bad, off and on, for the last few weeks, but that night was the beginning of a really bad run... So yes...

Looks like T. and E. are getting an apartment together... *grumbles* Why do I feel this way? I can't wait to find out where N. is going to be stationed... he may not go to boot camp till after my graduation, so that he can make sure that he will be there for it.

I came over to T.'s apartment to get my roomate's cd from J. (her fiance is visiting) and to help him decide what to do with her his last day here, only he doesn't really want my help and is only playing video games. Sigh. So I can't do anything today, and it is gorgeous outside, and its supposed to get cold again tomorrow. Le sigh...

BUT I did have some good things:

Passed my CLEP test for world civ 2, got an A in Washington Studies, a B on my last history test, and A's on the three papers I turned in last week... wOOt..

Friday, March 25, 2005

le sigh

I have had the most weird weekend ever, to the point where.. well, I don't even know where to begin to talk about it. I had a nightmare that N. died in the air force, and that was horrible. So I called him and he laughed at me... *sniffs* But its okay... I need to get my head on straight, I'm getting stuck inside, if that makes sense.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

*sighs*

Do you know how very much I hate myself? I usually restrain myself from talking about it, now, because I know people don't want to hear about me and my psycho problems... so stop reading now if you don't.















Still reading? Well, I gave you a chance...

It seems like all I do these days its make other people mad, hurt other people...

I know I need to take responsibility for my actions, but its so hard... I feel so hurt, so upset, and I know that I have absolutely no right to feel that way, but I do. I can't change it, no matter how hard I try. I should never confront people, I have no right. Even if someone did the most hurtful, horrid thing in the world, I have no right to be upset. How much worse am I? This is so ridiculous. The worst thing, even if I apologize, I will still be upset. Still think I am right. I make myself sick... Its been a long time since I hated myself this much. And I don't want pity... I would rather you hated me too.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Silent Hostility

S. says that she admires me because I am not afraid to confront my roomate... she wishes that she could get up the guts to do so with hers. But then, of course, she would have to deal with silent hostility.

I was upset, I admit it. But E. gave me a message from her, and said that she was really upset... she had no right or reason to be upset. Then I was annoyed, but instead of letting it simmer and confronting her hours later, I called her right away. She was mad that I thought she was mad at me, and was therefore mad at her. Confusing enough? But it gets better. After informing me (angrily) that I had no right to be upset, she said that she was now upset, and that there was no point in me even calling her in the first place. I attempted to (calmly) explain that I was sorry that there had been a misunderstanding, but wasn't it better that I talk to her about it right away and find out that she wasn't upset then to get really mad, and then go off on her later? But no. She has spoken to me at all today, which wouldn't be so bad if she weren't going out of her way to make sure that I knew she was ignoring me. Yeesh.

'Kay, thats my random thought of the day! *smooches*

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Yesterday was my birthday...

Yes, thats right folks, I am officially 22 years old now. And I had a very good birthday!

I got up, went to the social science chapel. Then I did something not-so-smart. I told Ashley that it was my birthday. She got a really evil look on her face and said "Oh... really? I'm going to tell Dr. Jenkins!" Dr. Celeste Jenkins was leading the social science department chapel, and she doesn't like to lead people in singing, but to get chapel credit, you have to have singing. So then Dr. Jenkins got a really evil look on her face and said "OH Professor Garrett, today is {insert pseudonym here]'s birthday!" Now, if you know Professor Garrett, you can guess what happened next. The words were hardly out of her mouth with Professor Garrett busts out a rousing rendition of the Happy Birthday song, and EVERYONE ELSE joins in. Dr. Hall, Dr. Sanders, Professor Murphy, Mrs. Sardo (the secretery), and about 15, 20 students. I was mildly amused while being at the same time mortified. Funny? Yes. Scarring? Also yes.

After chapel, Jennifer and I went to the gym and worked out for an hour. Most of the weights and machines I was familiar with, no problem, I knew I would be sore but it wasn't unexpected. But then I got this idea to try out a machine I've never used before, which also means I was working some muscle groups I haven't worked before. OW. The muscles in my upper arms and where my arm and shoulder meet are SO SORE. I've been drinking water and doing the ibuprofen thing, but I should have taken it a little easier.

After that I went to the computer lab and typed out my two papers... took about an hour. Then I went to class and turned said papers in. I went to Spanish, taught everyone a vile word (I didn't realize how vile it was until my Professor gave me a horrified look... but we were talking about "La Malinche" and of COURSE I had to insert my random knowledge that her name has been turned into an epithet.) Then I got lunch ("Cashew Chicken") and called some people and talked online. Talked to Amanda after she came and bugged me in the computer lab *grins* and then I got all gussied up and went to Tara's house. We decided to go, first to Target so I could spend some of my hard-earned birthday money, and then to Olive Garden... she wanted to buy me dinner.

I bought a really cute blue-green mesh cami at Target... I need to get some flip-flops and fake turquoise jewelry to cuten it up. Maybe a purse.

Then we went to Olive Garden, and that was lovely.

Then Wal-Mart, then picked up Shannon, went back to school and got over-night stuff, and went BACK to Tara's to spend the night.

My parents sent me roses today.

I got to talk to my mom, sister Rebekah, Caly (well, she left a voice mail), and Nathan on the phone, all to wish me happy birthday... it was so wonderful, and everyone was so nice. I wanted to cry, I was so happy and grateful. My grandfather and Mary Vincent sent me the sweetest birthday card... I always love the birthday cards they send me. Oh! My mom and some random number of my siblings sang happy birthday to me using the speakerphone, and left it on my voicemail. I laughed for like five minutes. Andy and Erika want to do something some night this week, since they both had to work yesterday. Its been wonderful.

Oh, and even though he didn't mean it to be a birthday card, William sent me a postcard all the way from Puerto Rico. A nice surprise!

Saturday, March 12, 2005

bah

I'm depressed. I saw a picture of myself two years ago, and I was pretty. Why couldn't it have lasted longer? *sniffs* I miss that.

My Knee

I have a spider bite on my knee. Its big and it hurts. Thats so annoying...

I've been not feeling well the last few days, which is a crappy way to spend spring break.

It could be worse though: Erika bought me some Pizza Rolls, which rocks my world!

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

I should post more...

But I'm just never around! I think that... oh, I don't know.

My birthday is on Monday, but I don't think that anyone will remember, at least, not to the point that I will actually do anything out of the ordinary. Everyone is always so busy, though, so I can't really blame them! My mom will remember, I think, since she always does.

I'm so tired, and I've been so tired for so long.

I went to Nathan's house this weekend... hehehehehe. *mischievous grin*

Okay, I'm going to go back and finish the movie I was watching with Charlotte...

Thursday, March 03, 2005

I smell like paint thinner... I hate painting my floor. No one helps, and I probably wouldn't either if I weren't the floor president. And paint thinner doesn't even make me high, it just gives me a headache.

I talked to Nathan on the phone a few minutes ago, I woke him up when I called, and I sent him back to bed, too. Hes so adorable when he is sleepy, he can't talk at all. It makes me sad, because I miss him more...

I said something really corny last night... I told him that I loved to talk to him when I was sleepy, because then I am closer to my dreams, where I can see him. Isn't that the CHEESIEST line you have ever heard? *grins* At least I don't kiss my phone! (like a certain roomate of mine. you know those gross kissing noises they put in movies, where you can hear peoples spit and its just like...ew? thats what she does to her phone when she is talking to her boyfriend. for future purposes, my roomate is going to be referred to as "Britney" and her boyfriend "Alvin." they both have chipmunk cheeks, and Britney laughs like a chipmunk.)

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Know Your State Motto

Although I still haven't taught my grandparents the rule I learned at twelve (Don't forward everything you get, I have probably already seen it and didn't think it was funny/sentimental/scary), they do occasionally still send me things that make me laugh (for proof that I do read them, in spite of the rule ;-)) Actually, at least they e-mail me...o.O Most e-mail I get is from either my grandparents or someone I used to babysit... *laughs* ANYWAY...


Alabama
Yes, We Have Electricity.

Alaska
11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!

Arizona
But It's A Dry Heat.

Arkansas
Literacy Ain't Everything.

California
By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda.

Colorado
If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother.

Connecticut
Like Massachusetts,
Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet.

Delaware
We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water.

Florida
Ask Us About Our Grandkids, and Home Of The Early Bird Special
G
eorgia
We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism.

Hawaii
Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
(Death To Mainland Scum,Leave Your Money)

Idaho
More Than Just Potatoes...
Well, Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Illinois
Please, Don't Pronounce the "S"

Indiana
2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa
We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas
First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky
Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana
We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos,
But That's Our Tourism Campaign.

Maine
We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland
If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

Massachusetts
Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's

Michigan
First Line Of Defense >From The Canadians

Minnesota
10,000 Lakes...And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

Mississippi
Come And Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri
Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

Montana
Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies,and Very Little Else.

Nebraska
Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada
Hookers and Poker!

New Hampshire
Go Away And Leave Us Alone

New Jersey
You Want A ##$%##! Motto?
I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto
Right here!

New Mexico
Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York
You Have The Right To Remain Silent,
You Have The Right To An Attorney...

North Carolina
Tobacco Is A Vegetable

North Dakota
We Really Are One Of The 50 States!

Ohio
At Least We're Not Michigan

Oklahoma
Like The Play, But No Singing

Oregon
Spotted Owl...It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania
Cook With Coal

Rhode Island
We're Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina
Remember The Civil War?
Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender Yet

South Dakota
Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee
The Edyoocashun State

Texas
Se Hablo Ingles

Utah
Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont
Ay, Yep

Virginia
Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington
We have more rain than you do

West Virginia
One Big Happy Family...Really!

Wisconsin
Come Cut The Cheese!

Wyoming
Where Men Are Men... And The Sheep Are Scared

Monday, February 28, 2005

And so the wheel keeps on turning...

The people who hate me are sitting right behind me, but after speaking one on one with other members of "the group" I can comfortably say that A. and R. are the only ones who do hate me... I selfishly and wrongly want to stand up on my moral high-ground and loudly protest my innocence, but I will settle for explaining my hurt to no-one but Jesus, and being content that the ill feelings extend no further than those two. *sighs* I know I'm wrong, pray for my attitude to change.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Grouchy Me

So much has happened, and I don't even really want to talk about it... at the same time, I've had the urge to update my blog... what IS a girl to do? Anyway... I'm at the library, and it is closing in like a half hour. I'm only on long enough to check my e-mail and update...

A. hates me, as does R. Apparantly they have been telling everyone how much they hate me for months... at least, this is according to C., who is as guileless as the come... I don't think he would have any reason to make this up. Of course, I didn't find this until after I had already told A. that I didn't think we should be friends anymore, or something to that effect. So, it turns out that standing up for yourself, even when you KNOW you are right, is neither a validating nor a positive experience. So, I feel stuck no matter what I do.

Um... I am going to try and see N. over Springbreak, I don't know if it will work out, but since I can't spend it with my family (and thereby am going to miss celebrating my birthday with the people who love me the most for only the second time in my life) at least I will get to spend the weekend before my birthday with one of the few people... outside of my family... that I actually trust.

Do you think my mom still reads my blog? *hmms*

My floor is finally done being painted, and I just want to give a big shout out to Jesus, 'cause I'm still sane, and it not through any particular strength of my own. Welp, I have things to do and people to see, love you!

Friday, February 25, 2005

The One

Is it possible to know if someone is “THE ONE?” Is there a feeling different from the flutteries sometimes mistaken for LOVE? How is it that there have been successful marriages based on nothing more than one guy had a goat and a son, and one guy had a cow and a daughter, and they made a deal? How long do you “have” to know someone, how much time do you “have” to spend together? The worst thing about LOVE is that you can LOVE the wrong person: I mean, the wrong person for you. I think you can LOVE anyone, but you also have to LIKE and RESPECT the person you marry. You can even be happily married without LOVE. LOVE can make you see things in people that are not really there, or are only there in miniscule amounts. You see what you want to see, I guess. There is also the fear of over-thinking things. What if these great qualities really are there, but you are so afraid that you are wrong, that you only think that you imagine them?

You can say, “Well, you just KNOW,” but that is stupid. I mean, 50% of the people in the country have KNOWN that someone was “THE ONE” and got divorced later. And that is not even counting the people who thought someone was the one and realized the mistake before it was too late. That happens all the time. So you can’t “just KNOW.”

You can pray about it, but you still have to be really careful, because just like you can see good or bad qualities that may or may not exist in someone, its really easy to THINK you heard the voice of the Almighty. Sometimes we see what we want to see, hear what we want to her.

I think the real answer might be to KNOW yourself so well, and to be so committed to the goals that God has given you, that you can somewhat impassively consider whether or not something falls in line with that. I mean, if a guy with a goat and a girl with a cow can make it, surely there is a way to make a relationship work, even if someone isn’t “THE ONE.” And you know what else? I don’t think “THE ONE” even exists, just that some people are easier to love than others. That’s all.

Thoughts of the Night

The nighttime is the worst time. Each thought finds its twisting, churning way from your head to your stomach, where it lodges –just sitting there- until the next little worrisome idea finds its home in the same spot. There they gather in a writhing, twisted knot, and you are left staring in the darkness at the ceiling, your eyes playing every image of the past, every possible frightening future, upon the darkness above. It is as though there were never any good times, that these indelible images have removed from existence any beautiful idea. You try to recall any beloved face, a memory of a happy time, but instead the list of your failures since then marches in an endless retinue of fear and doubt. Hours pass, the sheets grow hot, tangled around you like a shroud, and still you find sleep evasive. Every sound is an irritant; the tick of a clock, the dripping faucet, murmuring sounds from a radio down the hallway, and even as you rage inwardly at the futility of lying there, hopeless tears make trails upon your cheeks. And then, softly creeping, so unobtrusive that you don’t even remember it happening, merciful sleep comes.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

So...

I know, I know, its been awhile since I posted... I actually wrote some stuff to put on here, and eventually I will get around to posting it.

I wish I had some philosophical thoughts, or at least something to inspire you, but I don't.

My wonderful and beautiful friend Heather Higgins just lost her father... she and I were supposed to be roomates, and then we didn't get to be, but I still love her very much.

I also found out, for sure, that someone who used to be a good friend has "come out of the closet" as it were. First time its been a girl... and I have to say, if I keep hearing it, I might go mad. The first time, it broke my heart, the second time, I cried a lot... this time, I just feel very depressed. I don't think I will ever get over Ben, ever. Not like "in love" over, it wasn't ever like that, just feeling like a failure as a friend... that he has never, ever actually told me. I think he knows that I know...

I feel forgotten right now. I know that that is selfish and very self-centered, and I really don't want to be the center of anyone's universe... well, mostly... but I don't know why I feel particularly unloved right now. Guess I just feel very... forgettable. People are like "Oh, hey!" when they see me, or when I talk to them, but as the old saying goes "out of sight (or hearing) out of mind." I don't feel missed or... anything. Just alone.

I was walking around my room praying, and I know that feeling this way is wrong, because God is there no matter what, and He should be the only thing I care about... I'm trying. I am trying to be hurt anymore, but to be open only to other people's problems, and not being selfish and taking anything from anyone but Him. Its not good to rely on other people to be happy... I should be able to give all of myself to others, but need only God. I want to be like that, and I am praying that He will give me the strength and the wisdom to do it.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

States I've been to...

I need to ask my mommy about those up north states, I can't remember which of them I've been too. I can't remember if I've been to Alabama, I think the summer I spent with my grandma, daddums, and sarah travelling?



create your own visited states map

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Creatively evil, huh... *snickers*

So...sleepy...

I am so so so tired. I've been awake since 6:45 AM, studied until my test at 10, took my test, went and picked up my package from my mommy and picked up Tara, went to Theology, then to Spanish, but left SPanish to go to Records and Registration because I had been dropped from all my classes, but that was a glitch and I HADN'T been dropped, ate lunch,went to the mall with Shannon and Tara, took a nap, painted my floor, drank some juice, checked my e-mail, and wrote this blog.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!! *smooches*

ps. Mommies make the best valentines.

Monday, January 31, 2005

only a nano-second

Okay, I've only got like... five seconds to post but...

I'm in Washington DC! So so so much to write about when I get home... Anyway, right now I'm doiung my internship.. I actually ran out of things to do, other than answer the phone, which is waht gives me these fifteen or so seconds to update. Anyway, I'll be back by Sunday, and I've got SO many pictures... I love it here!!! I hope I can come back and intern for real, all I have to do is come up with the money to do it for either a semester or a year... so pray for me ;-)

Love you all!

Be good, watch TV

Friday, January 21, 2005

How To Read A Book

Yes, folks, I am indeed reading a book entitled "How to Read a Book." I don't want to read it anymore. Because, apparantly unlike a majority of the population, I already know how to read a book. I know, I know, he doesn't mean actually READ, but read for understanding, but I can do that, too! I think I just feel slightly patronized... I shouldn't, but I do.

Its so good to hear God's voice, even if I don't always like what I'm hearing. But it makes me so happy just to know that I can, and I know I need to hear what He is saying, so... wOOt.

Be good, watch TV!

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

And the hits just keep on coming...

You know the phrase "You've gotta roll with the punches"? Its a stupid phrase. Because if you keep on rolling, how are you ever going to hit somebody back? Can't, not when they are coming this fast, and this hard. Besides, you can't always roll, and I think that if it comes to much more, than I am going to be KO'd faster than David Hyde Pierce fighting for the heavy weight title. Okay, enough of this analogy, I don't actually know anything about boxing.

But seriously, why do so many bad things happen at once? I mean, I know there are happy people out there, and I am so SICK of all the drama. Not that I blame anyone (mostly) but its still... anyway.

Be good, Watch TV

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Geez

note: You can't erase something you say. You just can't. When you hurt someone, that doesn't just go away, no matter what the situation might be. It just doesn't work that way. And even if you hide it so no one else knows, the person you hurt still knows. And I guess thats okay, if you don't care.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Seen on a website...

"Tsunami death toll reaches 162,000"
"Great rates for travel!"

Random Bloggerings

I haven't talked to Nathan on the phone for sixteen days, when I called him on New Years. I think. He is in Tarkio, and I think things are pretty hard for him right now... not my business to talk about why, but they are. Its so frustrating to not be able to do something, and I only wish I could find the words to make everything okay. Granted, its me saying things that are partially to blame anyway (although he denies it). BUT I think that he his having a good time with Dewey, and its probably been a nice change of pace from Nebraska. He (finally) heard from his IQ-challenged recruiter, and they are going to take him up to Omaha (or somewhere) to get his knee looked at, and will hopefully make a decision immediately so he isn't left hanging.

I have spent the most lazy weekend in the jistory of man laying on my bed and watching TV. I've done some other stuff, but not enough to speak of. I have two classes for, and while I have started the homework, I haven't finished it yet. Which, if I realized before today that I was going to Washington in a week and not two, I would have done like... on Friday. *sighs* Such is life. Alright, well, I'm going to sign off for now... Adios!

Friday, January 14, 2005

Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't

I'm back at school! And on the internet less, funny stuff that. Classes are hard, I think, but I'll survive. Um... talked to Tara, thought we got things worked out, but then she posted in her blog, so I guess we didn't. Meh. I've started getting ahead on some of my work, so this is a good thing, and I have to turn in a job application, so this is also a good thing... and now I have to go to class! Muhahahaha....

Be good, watch TV

Friday, January 07, 2005

Insomnia

Less rushed, but still very little time to write...

I know that life doesn't really suck, I know that, but right now, things aren't so good.

I was awake for most of the night, and for what I wasn't awake, I was tossing and turning.

I can't sleep with so much on my mind.

I thought losing my best friend was the worst thing that would happen this week. See, now she isn't even talking to me, and I can't even talk to Nathan about what is going on inside of me. I've fallen into a deep hole of depression, and this is exactly what I needed to insure that I wouldn't even be able to confide in those closest to me. They are tired of hearing it, anyway.

The other thing, the bigger thing, the more-important-than-me thing:

My uncle was arrested yesterday, although we don't have any idea what the charges are. And they are definetly charging him; we are going to the arraignment in just a few minutes. My grandmother suspects... well, horrible thought, but he is on parole... It seems that some friend of a friend charged him with molesting their child. I don't believe it for an instant! I mean, I know I call him my "creepy uncle," but thats more ongoing family harrassment than anything. But this house has been filled with kids the whole time he has lived here, and he spends a lot of time with his younger daughter... no, a lot of things he is, but this is simply not true. Rebekah thinks they may have drummed up some parole violation charge when he went in for questioning, so that they could keep him until they verify the truth in the charges. But if they convict him of violating his parole.... then thats at least another five or six years in jail... *sighs* I hate this. And I can't talk to anyone about it..,

Putting it on here seems so... cold, but I have to get this out. And maybe any of you that actually still talk to me after the whole thing with Tara will understand why I'm in this mood...

Maybe someday I'll even be able to tell you the horrible thing that happened to my roomate (as icing on the cake, you know)

Thursday, January 06, 2005

...

How can I title this blog? Life sucks... last night, and then today, bad thigs just keep happening. Ask me what I mean, if you really want to know.

Saturday, January 01, 2005

the lepper colony

*laughs hysterically* I LOVE browsing other blogs...

First Post of the New Year!

And I just pinched a nerve in my back. I'm typing, and I bet it would look funny to anyone to see the way I'm hunched over trying to type this. Go see my boyfriend's blog! He wrote a poem... *giggles*

Happy New Year!

Be good, watch TV!