Thursday, October 14, 2004

Hiding

I don't think it is right that the only place I have to flee to is the internet... right now, the only people I can talk to are ON the internet. I know that Erika hates the fact that I am friends with Andy, but its because of times like this, when she seems to hate me and well... Andy doesn't. He doesn't (usually) care if I am upset when I talk to him, and it doesn't bother him when I use him to vent. Sometimes you just need a friend that you don't have to be afraid of offending. Even when he gets mad at me, he doesn't just decide to quit talking to me, or joining in the "alienate me" campaign. I value that.

Its not often that I can vent so openly on here, but I've spent the last two weeks feeling hurt and rejected, and to be honest, I am tired of it. I don't know what it is that I do that makes so many people get mad at me all at once. I try to talk to people, but they aren't interested in figuring out what is wrong... but I can't believe that it is all my fault. I don't like to talk to Tara about all this, she has enough problems of her own, and I don't want to put her in the middle, especially since she is friends with my little "group" here at school. And Nathan, well, its not fair to burden him with this either, he is having a good time in Tarkio and I don't want to screw that up. Not that I could talk to him anyway... I can't even call him until he goes back to Nebraska.

So what do I do? I hide everything as much as I possibly can, until this point when I can't help but cry in public, and there is nothing I can do to pretend that nothing anyone does hurts, and that everything is okay. So here it is.

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