Tuesday, May 25, 2004


Get to know the REAL you by crash_and_burn
Your Name
You Are A:Dreamer
Your Favorite Band/SongFive Iron Frenzy - Oh Canada
You Like To Read:Everything
You Firmly Believe In:Abstinence
Everyone Thinks You Are:A cheap bastard
You Were Conceived:Underwater
You Will Marry:Britney Spears
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!


I'm not doing so well right now... I'm incredibly depressed and feeling a bit lost. I feel like the most abominable person alive, and I feel as though I ought to offer the world an apology for my existance. My only consolation is that you actually choose to read this, I don't force you to listen to tales of my sorry state of mind. I feel like I've caused more trouble than any good my existance has accomplished can account for. I tried to talk to someone tonight, for the first time in awhile, but the conversation ended with me being told that I was "acting like a b****" and that they would talk to me again when I was normal. This had nothing to do with me somewhat pouring my heart out to them, although that had happened a little bit earlier in the conversation. I was teasing about a video game, and due the wonders of technology, somehow their annoyance with my teasing didn't come through the silent instant messenger screen.. I only get words, not inflections. At any rate, this person said what they did knowing my mental state, and knowing that I already think I am the suckiest person in the world, so here I sit in tears, berating myself and wishing I didn't suck quite so much. If only I were better, smarter, funnier, whateverer, I wouldn't hurt people. I wish I could disappear, but I can't, and I know it. I appreciate being alive too much to want to really quit doing it, not to mention the fact that I couldn't EVER willingly put that burden on anyone I care about. Alrighty, enough of the random ranting, I do love you, and maybe I will be "normal" again soon and you can all talk to me safely...

Sunday, May 09, 2004


My life is crazy wacko busy! I never thought it was possible to be this tired, get this much (and yet so little) acomplished and still have time to update my blog. For those not in the loop (practically everyone) I am going to summer school here at good ol' EU. This required moving all of my things from my third floor dorm room on the north side of campus all the way to either the second floor room of my new room on southside OR for things that can be, moving them to a storage unit on the south side of town. The southwest side. I live on the very NORTHEAST side. Don't ever store U-Haul... for all the pain they have caused me this week, they should feel lucky that we didn't say "forget the deposit, you suck and we are finding someone else." We reserved a unit a block from the school. They "lost" the reservation... but unfortunately, my compadres found this out while I was en route to getting lost in Joplin (I was trying to come back to Springfield from Kansas City), and none of them had the energy or the motivation (or the need, they thought) to call Customer Service. Instead, they accepted a rate increase and a move to the oppostite side of town... The whole sordid affair would be laid at my feet by other memebers of the party, and I had to fix everything. Why me, who is paying the same amount as anyone else, had to fix it, I don't know. After yelling at a bunch of people at U-Haul for a couple of hours, I got out rate lowered back to the reserved rate and next months rent free... because our reservation was still in the computer! They had lied at the original U-Haul storage place!!!!! *sighs* But that left us with not a few large items that should have gone on Thursday, and now the truck we borrowed was no longer available to us until after noon today (Saturday), the time Tara and I were supposed to be checking out of Lewis for good... *falls over* And Tara and I had to work 8 hours yesterday afternoon, and I had to work them today as well... so we have been well tried in our abilities to overcome obstacles. Thank God for Cletus... he is surely a godsend. He did more of the actual moving of boxes and such than Tara and I combined, and bought us lunch to boot... we don't deserve such help, but it was provided nonetheless... God is good.

So now I am in my new room in Walther hall, chilling and trying to not stare with dreadfilled eyes at the many things left to unpack... more later!

Be good, Watch T.V.

Happy mother's day, Mom, Grandmother, and Mary Vincent!!!! I love you all very much!

Friday, May 07, 2004

I don't think I am fully insane... but would I know if I was? Just a thought...

Random News: I was accepted into Pi Gamma Mu (the international honor society for the social sciences), and am going to serve as an officer (treasurer *snickers*) next year. I only have 32 hours left to complete my degree, six of them in Spanish, a few random gen. eds., some history of course, and a few upper level electives. Ho hum, what else? I am staying at school until July 15, I have the financial aid, housing, and job problems taken care of. Working at security bunches, I hope... I don't know how many hours I'll be getting though. Maybe 16 hours a week, which is what I am working now, but I guess that will be okay.

I am going to Ohio for a wedding next week... Sarah Tucker!?! I can't believe close personal friends are getting married... I don't know when I will ever be at that place in my life. I have a suspicion that it will be awhile... a long while.

I went to graduation today, it made me bittersweet. I can't imagine how awesome it will be to graduate, but I can't imagine all the 'lasts' I am going to face come this time next year. When will be the last time I see the inside of Lewis Hall, what will my very last class, last final be like? I want to cry just thinking about it... A senior, finally! I can't even imagine.. but I am officially a senior even now. *sighs* Craziness...