Sunday, February 22, 2004

If we keep on singing, God will keep on swinging!

Today I went to a church with a disco ball hanging from the ceiling. It wasn't rotating or anything, but it was HUGE! Tara tried to steal the offering bucket from me, but I snatched it back! Must put first time visitor cards inside, or something bad will happen. They sang about five songs, a few were hymns and a few were songs we used to sing a Camp Kulaqua. The service was held in a giant theater in Branson, but it wasn't church IN a theater, the theater was the church! Hobby Lobby (its like Michaels) bought it and gave it to the AG, who in turn gave it to a church. They changed one of the snack bars into a nursery, and I swear it looked like people were walking up to the counters and buying babies. The kids church meets in the old gift shop, complete with display windows, again giving the impression that one might be able to purchase a child if one were so inclined. The singing started when the curtain was raised, and the preacher/worship leader walked out wearing a Brittany Spears-esque ear monitor/microphone thingie. Although very strange to my more traditional point of view, it was also oddly appropriate, being Branson and all. Most of the women in the worship team (they called it a choir, but it was nine people with microphones) wore sequined shirts! The singing went on for a bit (much longer than five songs ought to take) and then the preacher talked about how women in "the old days" used to wear their hair up in huge hair-dos, and he knew praise and worship was really going when their hair started to fall down. He said the goal of a service was to "shoot the hair down" and that praise and worship can "free you from bundage". He also informed us that the ugliness of a person is directly proportionate to the greater degree of holiness. In other words, the uglier you are the more you love God. Turns out he is a Dallas Cowboys fan... go figure. Gotta be some kind of heresy. He also believes that clapping in worship antagonizes the devil, and that is what is meant in Lamentations 2:5 and Romans 16:20. *blinks* Look it up and decide for yourself... He also said God wanted us to analiyate the devil. I think he meant annihilate. He made a member of the congregation bring him a chair, and then he asked the man to remove his belt and allow the preacher to use it... and the guy did! He scampered off the stage holding his pants up with one hand... And the preacher used it to beat the back of the chair. He said that this was what God did to Satan when we sang, clapped, and shouted in worship, and that "if we keep on singing, God will keep on swinging!"

Some other memorable moments:
He told us that if hadn't been a preacher, he would have been a sumo wrestler, and he would have a reason to walk around in nothing but a giant diaper. He also asked if we know what enmity is, because that is what Satan has with us, and we need to understand that. He is really really big into clapping, a lot, and hollering at the band. *grins*

I'm a rose!

Your soul is bound to the White Rose: The

"I've been waiting in the dark for a long
time, shining my beacon of hope through the
shadow. If you see me, don't you hide your
eyes from me."

The White Rose is associated with purity, honor,
and chastity. It is governed by the goddess
Artemis and its sign is The Cross, or Agape.

As a White Rose, you are a person of your word.
You may have a strong moral code, but
regardless of your virtue, you always stay true
to yourself. To you, love is the most pure of
emotional forms and it's just a matter of
waiting for it to bless you. Some people may
say you are too idealistic, but it's only
because you don't want to mess things up.

What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla

Friday, February 13, 2004

Semper Fi

An atheist professor was teaching a college class and he told the class that he was going to prove that there is no God. He said, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"

Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God, saying,"Here I am, God. I'm still waiting." He got down to he last couple of minutes. Just then, a Marine just back from combat and visiting the college is walking past the room and hears the professors taunts. The Marine steps into the room, walks up to the professor, hits him full force in the face, and sent him flying from the platform.

The professor struggled up, obviously shaken and yelled, "What's the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

The Marine replied, "God was busy; He sent me."

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

2003 Darwin Awards

Okay, I know its sad that these people died and all... but OH MY GOSH! Its so funny...

For those not familiar with the Darwin Award, It's an annual honor given to he person who provided the Universal human gene pool the biggest service by removing themselves from the gene pool in the most extraordinarily Stupid way (extra points are awarded if they have not passed on their genes). As always, competition again this year has been keen.


* In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two
feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

* In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned
when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.

Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

* In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his
hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

* According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20, was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest Berrena was wearing.

* Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville, Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

* In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.

DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS (means they didn't remove themselves from the gene pool, they just hurt themselves in extraordinarily stupid ways)

* In Guthrie, Okla, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede with a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing his skull.

* In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his house.

* Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.


TACOMA, WA. Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and
was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say, " said Bingham, "is
that God was watching out for me on that night." "There's just no other
explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.


PADERBORN, GERMANY. Overzealous zoo keeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his
constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. 'with no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents where "shit happens."

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

Insanity... this is my reality...

So here I am again, posting my heart of hearts to the world... or not. I've decided that you should all ignore my depressing posts, because eventually you just have to decide to get over the hurt... its too hard to try and live with it. Trust me. *smiles*

President Spence (of the University here) won the "Springfieldian of the Year" award. In honour of this momentous occasion, he gave everyone who attended chapel today an extra chapel cut. President Spence rocks!

My room smells like smelly pizza. Its nastiness... and its because of some funny smells in my fridge. And I don't know why! Its not like we ever leave in there for more than like... a night! So I am going to get some baking soda and try and fix it... *giggles*


Monday, February 02, 2004

Love Sucks

I love people. So sue me. I don't let myself get close enough to many people to be hurt by them, not anymore. So, yeah, my friend A. hurt me. It scares me when people do that. I hate it! Why do I care about people who don't give a crap about anyone but themselves?? Gosh darn it. And so thye tell me not to care anymore. Its not that easy, though, is it? Maybe I'll make it onto the infamous rant page. But then, I'm obviously not that important, screw the fact that I am one of the only people who has never hated him, been so mad at him they blocked him from AIM... whatever. This sucks so bad... AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I FREAKIN DID WRONG! I had to sign out of AIM because I was already in tears... not that he cared, if he even believed me. I have to be a grown-up at work, I have responsibilities. If hes mad about that too... what else can I say?

I hate being me.

I'm a poem!

I'm terza rima, and I talk and smile.
Where others lock their rhymes and thoughts away
I let mine out, and chatter all the while.

I'm rarely on my own - a wasted day
Is any day that's spent without a friend,
With nothing much to do or hear or say.

I like to be with people, and depend
On company for being entertained;
Which seems a good solution, in the end.
What Poetry Form Are You?