Saturday, January 31, 2004

A Vow of Silence

I have managed, in the last two hours, to speak less than ten words... and not for lack of opportunity. I don't even want to talk online because all I do is make other people feel worse. Its strange to cry when no one knows, trying to pretend you are fine. But I can't speak anymore, because I won't let my words hurt anyone. I don't want to be the one who always hurts people, or makes them sad. I don't want... to be. You know, I think for the first time last night I really understood Hamlet's soliliquy.

To die, to sleep -
No more - and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to. 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die - to sleep -
To sleep - perchance to Dream. Ay, there's the rub.

I'm sorry.

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