Sunday, October 26, 2003

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

My life is so screwed up. I wish you could see how much I hate myself right now, maybe you would have a word of advice to offer. But then, I don't really want you to see this part of me... I don't even want God to see this part of me. Maybe thats why my life is so stuck in this rut. I don't even know what God wants me to do anymore... maybe I never really knew. And now I have to be an adult, and make adult-like decisions. I don't think I can, I am so immature, so clueless, so wrong. I will be honest, all I have ever wanted to do, ever, is be a wife and mother. That is all I have EVER wanted. But it seems that this is not what God wants me to do right now... I sure as heck wish I knew. Sometimes I wonder about my sanity, wonder why I do everything wrong. Why I can't make myself do what I know I need to do. I mean, if I was right, if I was a proper Christian, wouldn't I know? I feel so lost, so alone...

Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken

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