Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.
My mom doesn't read my page anymore. Last year, she did... not this year. Last year, I had quite a page following, this year *waves to Caly and Robert, the only two people in the audience* I miss my mom. She never calls me, and neither does my dad. Or anyone else for that matter!
I hate my life right now. Contemplating failure, in so many ways. I don't know what I am going to do, I feel like I've given up without ever fighting. I hate it. Encouraging words have the exact wrong effect on me, merely making me angry, or annoyed, or at the very least, sullen. I know I have no one but myself to blame for it. I am at one of those moments where I want to ask everyone to step away from my life. I don't want to burden anyone else with my problems, but just, handle them myself.
I feel like I am becoming too dependant on having Tara around. I don't have many other friends here, and that isn't fair to her. I know she won't listen to me, but part of me wishes she would just bail while things are good. All my friendships degenirate into nothingness, and suddenly all the people I care si much about don't give a crap about me. And I know that that is just a lot of selfishness, but sometimes I just can't help it.
I know I am rambling, I've been doing a lot of that lately. Combination of stress, exhaustion, and having too much on my mind.
Anywho, Nighty night, its 1:30 in the morning.